WARNING: This post contains profanity 🙂
So yesterday, I announced to my current Alchemy Study members that I had decided to cancel their subscription payments – and give them access to the Study for free, for life (or – at least – the life of the Study).
(More on that in another blog post).
This announcement resulted in an email flood of gratitude, and an emotional exchange between the soulful branders in my Facebook community. Words of thanks for my generosity, my transparency, and my work. For providing material that has changed not only businesses and brands, but lives, too.
At first, I wanted to look away.
I don’t want people to be grateful for me or my work.
Reading words of gratitude makes me feel so uncomfortable – I just want to scream ‘That’s not why I do this!!!’.
Whenever someone compliments me or my work, I feel guilt wash over me. Who am I to create work that people are grateful for? Who am I to deserve such beautiful words? My ego is screaming…’You’re a nobody…doing work that ANYONE could do. You should be ashamed of yourself for doing things that draw attention to yourself…and for being a fraud’.
My usual defence mechanism for deflecting this aggressive onslaught from my ego is to look away. If I cut the guilt off at its’ source, my ego suddenly doesn’t have quite so much to say.
But yesterday, I swore.
Now…anyone who knows me will know that I don’t swear. Not for any particular reason – I’m just an inherent non-swearer.
But yesterday, I said ‘FUCK IT’.
(If you haven’t read the book ‘F**K It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way’, you can find it here).
I savoured each and every email, comment and word.
At first, I wanted to scratch my eyeballs out.
But I kept reading.
And then eventually…something shifted in me.
Instead of thinking…’Who am I to deserve such words?’, I thought…
‘Wow. Business (and lives) are changing because of ME’.
And it didn’t feel dirty. It didn’t feel egotistical. It didn’t feel greedy, or muddied with guilt.
It felt like a huge sense of achievement. Like…I’d found concrete evidence of the impact I set out to make…and this evidence fills me with validation, and the determination to keep moving forward…to keep doing what I’m doing.
I looked around me and I thought – wow. I created all this, because I was just…well…me.
And I am entitled to feel pride in myself, and what I have achieved in the last seven months.
I wouldn’t have felt that sweet validation if I hadn’t had confronted my biggest fear; the fear that I am powerful beyond measure.
I don’t believe in re-inventing the wheel, or paraphrasing where it is not necessary. So I’m going to leave you with the words of Marianne Williamson. You’ve likely read this quote before, but I believe that today, you and I need to remind ourselves of the mind-blowing truth it contains.
I also created a screensaver with my favourite part (it’s my mantra of choice right now)…which you can download for free. All I ask is that if you agree that this message needs to be spread far and wide, please share it by hitting the buttons at the bottom of the page 🙂
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles